We are living in times when we need to be both introspective as well as reaching out to support others. But before you can reach out to others, you need to have a good and realistic knowledge of who you are. When was the last time you actually gave some thought to what type of person you are? Are you aware of what your values are? Do you like who you are? If you met yourself out in the world, would you like to be friends with you? Sometimes, we have a perception or ideal of who we think we are or would like to be; but in reality, we might be very different from that.
Fundamentally, our self-monitoring styles influence our social interactions and how we view the world. Knowing your individual self-monitoring style helps you realise there are certain pathways and life choices that suit you better than others. It helps you find your niche and to appreciate and value the diversity of others.
Sometimes, I listen to clients talk about how aggrieved they are about what various people have done to them and when I probe a little deeper to explore some of their own behaviours to others, it turns out they have committed some appalling acts of their own on others. It's that old saying that when you point a finger at someone, there are four more pointing at you. Or, if you prefer something more biblical, he without sin should cast the first stone; or those in glass houses should not throw stones. I think you get the picture. A lot of times, we really are not who we think we are; so it's time to take stock if you haven't already.
When we are very young, we learn how to feel about life and ourselves by the reactions of the grown-ups around us. So, if you lived with very unhappy, angry negative people, then you tended to learn and grow up with a lot of negative about your world. Most likely, we would go on to recreate similar relationships we had with our mothers or fathers or what we observed between our parents in our own personal relationships.
In my line of work, it sometimes feels almost everyone I have worked with or come in contact with outside work suffers from some form of self hatred and guilt to one degree or another. Sometimes, it might feel as if we are not in control of the thoughts we have, because they may be all pervading and we habitually think the same thoughts; but when you think about it, we made the original choice to introduce the thought into our minds. We actually have the power and will to refuse to think certain thoughts. If you just consider how many times you have resisted thinking positive thoughts about yourself, you then realise how much power you have over your thoughts.
It is helpful to remember that thoughts, no matter how degrading, resentful, painful, or damaging, are just thoughts and are not set in stone. Thoughts can be changed. What we think about ourselves tends to become the truth for us – something akin to self- fulfilling.
What we believe about ourselves and about life become true for us. So, if your mantra tends to be that people are out to get me, that is what you focus on, look out for and ultimately attract towards yourself. You have the choice of thinking people are kind and helpful and looking out for the good in people.
I know there will be those who might think this is very simplistic and that there are many evil, mean people out in the world. After all, we just have to take a peek at the state of the world. But alongside all the wickedness and hating that's taking place, there is also a lot of humanity, love and kindness. It may not be shown on the TV, but it's happening in your home, your neighbourhood, in your office. In other words, it's all around you, but most importantly, you have the power to make it happen, starting from you.
We all know there are good and bad people in the world and that bad things happen to good people. That's a given in life; but it doesn't have to be and it isn't the whole story. The beliefs we have about ourselves and about life create different experiences in our lives.
Our subconscious minds accept whatever we choose to believe. When you think about it, we have unlimited choices about what we can think, so why do we choose to focus on fixed negative thoughts? When we know this, it makes sense to open up our minds to allow fresh, wholesome, life affirming thoughts in.
There are some very interesting studies coming through from scientists at the Institute of Heart-Math (IHM) in Colorado, USA. They have dedicated over 25 years to the research of emotional physiology, or the science of measuring moods, and how they impact on the heart and the rest of the body. Recently, they announced a breakthrough culminating from a series of studies which appear to show that the heart is capable of directing the activity of almost every cell in our body, helping to determine perception, emotions and health.
Their work was backed by a study in the American Journal of Cardiology, which found that "positive emotions boost the nervous system, which, in turn, enhances immunity, digestion and mental clarity." The findings suggest that 'positive emotions such as love or gratitude lead to coherent heart rhythms.'
It goes on to suggest that "when people are angry, stressed or anxious, the graphs waver up and down quite dramatically – the heart tends to beat erratically and the frequencies bounce all over the place. When the heart's electromagnetic field (EMF) is erratic, a person experiences tension and an increased disorder in their nervous system, a factor that can lead to hormonal imbalances, lowered immunity, sleeplessness and depression."
We have all heard of that wonderful chemical called oxytocin that the heart secretes when we feel loving feelings; this in turn triggers positive reactions throughout the body. This whole process of heart-focused positive feelings are said to "boost levels of particular antibodies in the immune system that fight viruses and bacteria for up to six hours at a time."
With all this medical information about the power of the mind, emotions and the powerful effects on our bodies, it is safe to say that we have a lot to answer for a lot of the malaise we suffer from on a daily basis. What we feed our minds is as important as what we feed our bodies. We have the responsibility and commitment to ourselves to desist from harming our minds and ultimately being a part of harming humanity.
Have a loving day!
