I learned a salient lesson this past week, which is that you really have to know what you are made of and who you are. In other words, when you are stripped of everything – be it fame, fortune, success, career or anything else you might consider as achievements you might have attained – all you are left with is you.
I think a lot of times that, as human beings, we get caught up in so much that life is throwing at us and at what we are observing as things happening to the 'other.' that we forget to consider that everything we are doing today could stop, change for the better or worse today or tomorrow. It may sound clichéd, but it really is as simple as that.
I have watched almost every day for the past several months uncountable stories of the tragedies and disasters happening to people all over the world; and while I have always felt empathy for the people affected, I didn't allow myself to think about any of it for any length of time, because that would somehow make it too real, and I might have to imagine if that were me what would I do? But, as the expression goes, no one gets off scot-free in life. We all will be affected at some point with our own challenges in life and, granted some people appear to have to bear more than others, nothing stays the same, seasons will change and so will situations at some point, and in the end, all we are left with to carry us through those times is our courage, self determination, trust and belief in what we are made of, our integrity and humanity.
This is not about religion, though it would be great if some of these are encouraged in religious spaces.
I once had a client who came to see me because she felt she had lost sight of who she was and did not feel she was in touch with the essence of her true self. I asked her if she had an ideal of the kind of person she wanted to be or who she thought she might be. She said she did and on further discussion, she described a kind, generous, sensitive, spiritual person who was greatly ambitious, career orientated and hugely successful.
On deeper exploration with her, it turned out she had lost several jobs for a variety of reasons, she struggled in maintaining friendships with people because she was very easily disappointed with people. She told lies compulsively about her achievements, about her educational background, her family life and even many of the things she told me in our sessions I would draw her attention to how many of the stories were conflicting. Her realisation that she was living a false life as a false person was devastating and humbling for her, but it was the starting point for her to retrace what had led to her construction of this false personae and how I could help her to prepare to find out who the real person was.
It was daunting prospect for her, but she was ready, as she wanted to live an authentic life and had become self aware enough to realise she was ready for growth. This had become apparent to her because her life felt unsatisfactory on so many levels (could this be you?).
We all have a picture of who we think we are; some of us have the right picture, but the majority of us have something which is distorted and far from accurate. It is worthwhile taking stock of this, looking inwards, and really trying to be at one with all that you are. We all have good and bad in us and the challenge in life is getting a balance where we keep the good at a higher level than the bad. This takes vigilance, regular self challenging of our motives, actions and a willingness to do what is required to work towards the changes required to be better.
As we come to the end of another year that has been fraught with countless tragedies and much sorrow for many, maybe we can think of how we can make real changes in the New Year to how we think of ourselves and our relationships with one another.
Those who have the power and resources to help others may need to remind themselves how everything could be lost overnight, including their lives, because nothing in this world is guaranteed other than death. The material things of the world are temporal, but a good name, kindness and love last forever. Even after we have gone, the effects can continue to be felt by many for a life time.
